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Beyond Badass: The Grace of Civility

The Power of Civility: Why It's Truly Badass In a world increasingly polarized by differing opinions, civility stands out as a powerful and often underappreciated skill. Far from being a sign of weakness, civility is a form of strength that requires courage, emotional intelligence, and a deep commitment to understanding others. Civility is not just important, but genuinely badass. Strength in Restraint True strength lies not in dominating others, but in engaging them with respect and understanding. It takes immense self-control and emotional maturity to: Listen to opposing viewpoints without becoming defensive Respond to criticism without resorting to insults See the humanity in those who disagree with us This level of self-restraint is a superpower that we can all develop with practice. Endurance and Wonder Civil discourse demands endurance. It can be exhausting to maintain a respectful tone, especially when dealing with deeply entrenched beliefs. However, approaching c...
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Speak Truth to Heal Conflicts

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What do you do during a conflict?  Do you ignore conflict, or h ope to avoid uncomfortable conversations? Do you interpret criticism as an insult,  and struggle to let it go? Do you silently smile to hide your true feelings?                             What feelings brew inside of you during moments of stress?  How do you deal with this stress? What do you do about it? If you are like most people, you may overthink, avoid, or behave passive-aggressively without even being aware of your behavior. But do these actions make you feel less stressed or more anxious? Is the conflict being resolved? According to this  article , conflict avoidance causes many problems. Over time, conflict-avoidant behaviors harm our health and relationships, but there is a better way to deal with conflict.  It is possible to honor our feelings, communicate respectfully, and find commonality.  Try th...
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Talking to People Who Think Differently than Me

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The times are changing.  It's time to adapt. People who know me may have noticed that I've changed my online behavior  in the last few years. I stopped posting my political opinions online. I think many of you have done the same. It is important to continue holding open discussions, but I no longer think that social media is the right place to do it. Research  seems to support this idea too. So, how then, do we engage in productive conversations across the political divide that connect us, rather than increasing the polarization problem? If you want to be part of the solution to this problem, read on... The secret seems to be, in making connections to real live humans that we come in contact with!  Family, Students, Neighbors, Acquaintances, Community Members (Real people, in the flesh, not anonymous social media contacts.) So how do we do that, without starting an ugly scene? Just a few tips to relate to others who think differently: Explain that your point is to di...
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I Never Planned on Doing This.

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  I am not the person you would expect to create a blog about healing division in our world.  For much of my life I actually avoided confrontation. I wanted people to like me, and at times I agreed with them, smiled, and pretended everything was good; I did not understand that authentic, caring, honest truth smacks down confrontational avoidance time after time.  I have a feeling that I am not alone in struggling to deal effectively with division. I think a few people do a great job of reaching out across differences of opinion, but most, I think, would rather not.  With polarization high in this world, and struggles rising, now is the time to connect with others who think differently than ourselves.  Here is what I am doing to learn to hear voices speaking different truths than my own:  I listen to podcasts from left, center, and right to understand all perspectives.  I use tools from The Polarization Lab  to reflect on my own online behavior. I ...
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