Beyond Badass: The Grace of Civility

The Power of Civility: Why It's Truly Badass

In a world increasingly polarized by differing opinions, civility stands out as a powerful and often underappreciated skill. Far from being a sign of weakness, civility is a form of strength that requires courage, emotional intelligence, and a deep commitment to understanding others. Civility is not just important, but genuinely badass.

Strength in Restraint

True strength lies not in dominating others, but in engaging them with respect and understanding. It takes immense self-control and emotional maturity to:

  • Listen to opposing viewpoints without becoming defensive
  • Respond to criticism without resorting to insults
  • See the humanity in those who disagree with us

This level of self-restraint is a superpower that we can all develop with practice.

Endurance and Wonder

Civil discourse demands endurance. It can be exhausting to maintain a respectful tone, especially when dealing with deeply entrenched beliefs. However, approaching conversations with a sense of wonder rather than a desire to "win" can transform these interactions. By seeking to learn from each other, we can:

  • Gain new perspectives
  • Find unexpected common ground
  • Build connections across ideological divides

The Art of Civil Discourse

At the heart of civility lies a set of skills that, when mastered, can be incredibly powerful:

  1. Empathy: The ability to understand and share the feelings of another, even when you disagree with them.
  2. Emotional Intelligence: Recognizing and managing your own emotions, as well as understanding those of others.
  3. Active Listening: Truly hearing what others are saying, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak.
  4. Openness to Learning: Approaching conversations with curiosity and a willingness to have your mind changed.

These skills allow us to navigate complex discussions with grace and effectiveness.

The Courage to Be Civil

In many ways, civility requires more courage than aggression. It takes bravery to:

  • Engage with those who think differently, rather than avoiding conflict
  • Acknowledge the validity of others' perspectives, even when you disagree
  • Seek compromise and common ground, rather than insisting on total victory

By choosing civility, we demonstrate a level of confidence and strength that aggression can never match.

The Impact of Civility

When we embrace civility, we:

  • Build stronger relationships
  • Foster deeper understanding
  • Create opportunities for collaboration
  • Contribute to a more peaceful and productive society

In a world that often seems to reward loudness and aggression, choosing civility is a radical and powerful act. It's a path that requires strength, endurance, and courage – and that's what makes it truly badass.


Middle School Teachers: 

Need resources to foster civil discourse in your classroom? Check out these materials I developed for Sphere.ed.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Speak Truth to Heal Conflicts

Image
What do you do during a conflict?  Do you ignore conflict, or h ope to avoid uncomfortable conversations? Do you interpret criticism as an insult,  and struggle to let it go? Do you silently smile to hide your true feelings?                             What feelings brew inside of you during moments of stress?  How do you deal with this stress? What do you do about it? If you are like most people, you may overthink, avoid, or behave passive-aggressively without even being aware of your behavior. But do these actions make you feel less stressed or more anxious? Is the conflict being resolved? According to this  article , conflict avoidance causes many problems. Over time, conflict-avoidant behaviors harm our health and relationships, but there is a better way to deal with conflict.  It is possible to honor our feelings, communicate respectfully, and find commonality.  Try this next time you encounter a challenging situation: During a moment of self-reflection, (not in the middle of a he
Read more

Talking to People Who Think Differently than Me

Image
The times are changing.  It's time to adapt. People who know me may have noticed that I've changed my online behavior  in the last few years. I stopped posting my political opinions online. I think many of you have done the same. It is important to continue holding open discussions, but I no longer think that social media is the right place to do it. Research  seems to support this idea too. So, how then, do we engage in productive conversations across the political divide that connect us, rather than increasing the polarization problem? If you want to be part of the solution to this problem, read on... The secret seems to be, in making connections to real live humans that we come in contact with!  Family, Students, Neighbors, Acquaintances, Community Members (Real people, in the flesh, not anonymous social media contacts.) So how do we do that, without starting an ugly scene? Just a few tips to relate to others who think differently: Explain that your point is to discuss, not
Read more

I Never Planned on Doing This.

Image
  I am not the person you would expect to create a blog about healing division in our world.  For much of my life I actually avoided confrontation. I wanted people to like me, and at times I agreed with them, smiled, and pretended everything was good; I did not understand that authentic, caring, honest truth smacks down confrontational avoidance time after time.  I have a feeling that I am not alone in struggling to deal effectively with division. I think a few people do a great job of reaching out across differences of opinion, but most, I think, would rather not.  With polarization high in this world, and struggles rising, now is the time to connect with others who think differently than ourselves.  Here is what I am doing to learn to hear voices speaking different truths than my own:  I listen to podcasts from left, center, and right to understand all perspectives.  I use tools from The Polarization Lab  to reflect on my own online behavior. I recently video conferenced with a polit
Read more