Speak Truth to Heal Conflicts

What do you do during a conflict? 


Do you ignore conflict, or hope to avoid uncomfortable conversations?
Do you interpret criticism as an insult, and struggle to let it go?
Do you silently smile to hide your true feelings?                           
What feelings brew inside of you during moments of stress? 
How do you deal with this stress? What do you do about it?


If you are like most people, you may overthink, avoid, or behave passive-aggressively without even being aware of your behavior. But do these actions make you feel less stressed or more anxious? Is the conflict being resolved? According to this article, conflict avoidance causes many problems. Over time, conflict-avoidant behaviors harm our health and relationships, but there is a better way to deal with conflict. 

It is possible to honor our feelings, communicate respectfully, and find commonality. 

Try this next time you encounter a challenging situation:

During a moment of self-reflection, (not in the middle of a heated moment) 

Consider:
  • Why do you feel strongly about the difficult situation?
  • What do you need to communicate to feel better?
  • Make a plan for doing this respectfully, not as an attack, but as a gesture of peace. 
When sharing your opinions: 
  • Start by making a genuinely positive comment to the person to start the conversation. This shows that you are not attacking them and that you actually want to bring healing. 
  • Avoid blaming statements, and use "I feel ___ " statements instead.
  • If conflict resolution is a new skill to you, practice saying what you want when you are alone; this will develop the confidence to empower you to share your views when you are with the other person.
  • Remember that a disagreement is not a slap in the face. It is ok to think differently. Conflicts don't need to break a relationship. 
  • Healthy relationships withstand challenges, and we need to keep working to get it right. 

Not all relationships weather the storms of conflict... but practicing healthy disagreement skills is a step in the right direction of healing for you and the other person. Read this article (or this one) if you would like to learn more. 










 

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